Q: My career seems to be my biggest predicament these days. The thing I’m doing at the moment is not the thing I intend to do. I’m majoring in finance and graduating in a month or two. I might also land a nice career rewarding job outside my home town after this.
The girl I’m seeing wants me to stay back. But she herself is preparing herself to leave the country for higher studies next year. Knowing her, she will be out if she gets into an university. Do you think me sacrificing a day zero job would be worth it or is she being plain selfish?
A: Before we discuss your gf’s intention, let us first find out what you want. when you say that you are currently ‘doing the thing’ that you don’t intend to do, I assume that you mean your career. So, given the possibility that you indeed land up a good opportunity in this profession, would you be interested in taking it up or not ? Ask yourself, whether you would be willing to leave your home town for this job or you would rather stay close to your loved ones (which, for the time being, includes your girl friend) ? However, it seems that you are unsure of your feelings regarding your current choice of career. Is there a possibility that you could be using your relationship as an excuse to hold yourself back ? Is it really your gf who is stopping you from making the move or is it your own uncertainty ? Would you have had the same difficulty in making the decision had it been regarding ‘the thing that you do intend to do?’
Now, coming to your gf. Is she being selfish? Yes and no!
You mentioned that she has plans of leaving the country for higher education next year. So, it seems that she has own plans in which you do not feature. This relationship with you, is meaningful for her now and she wants to enjoy it for as long as possible. But in future, when opportunity comes her way, she is prepared to part ways. Which may imply that her concept of relationship may be different from yours. She may see it as something meaningful yet momentary and not attach much future significance to it. She may inherently believe that, need be, both of you can easily move on in your own lives. Or she intends to continue as a long distance relationship.
Eventually, she too has plans of leaving town so, if she is knowingly holding you back for her own emotional security then it is selfish and unfair of her. If you do not really feel that she is ‘the one’ – we suggest you move on now. A healthy relationship should help in growth of the individuals and not be detrimental. Hence, if you stay back you may not remain happy as you would miss your -opportunity and regret your decisions. From your words it seems you care about your career at this point in life , so think it through.
In general, if you believe in ‘one life-one partner’ concept then you are in for trouble in this situation. However, If you believe that one can have several meaningful relationships in life then it would not cause you much pain. Remember, in life, besides being an individual, you are defined by many things- being a son, a brother, a friend and many other things beyond that. Romantic love and relationships is a small part of it.
Q: I have had many failed relationships and currently dating someone I believe is the right one for me. But I feels that lately he has been avoiding my calls and I am worried that he may be cheating on me. I wont be able to cope with another breakup.
A: Plan the party you always wanted to and take that long trip you always have been wanting to. Its your life.. So take control!
If your fear is based on a suspicion then we suggest you clarify things with him. You have to gather the strength and take the initiative to resolve this. There is no point in living in fear and uncertainty By having an open discussion with him, you will be able to express your concern and enable him to hear you and to offer his explanation. It may be that he truly was busy, hence had to avoid your calls. In that case, you need to focus on your own emotions and try to recognize the origin of your insecurity. Emotional insecurities are strong deterrents in the way of healthy relationships.Until you get rid of your insecurity, your personality will not flourish. This will affect all your social interactions and relationships.
However, there is a possibility that your fear is justified and he is indeed cheating on you. We can understand that while it may seem like a devastating experience but remember it is not the worst that can happen. With time you will heal and realize that it is futile to be in a relationship with someone who is dishonest and unfaithful. There will always be the wrong ‘ex- Bfs’ till you find true love..So have faith in yourself and don’t let your happiness depend upon others. Your life must not revolve around a relationship; make it meaningful in more than one way. People get into relationships to be happy. If you yourself feel sad and emotionally drained, then you will not be able to give or receive love. A happy and confident personality is very attractive. To be happy you just need to start loving and believing in yourself.
We try to help you out with anything life throws at you. Should you have anything that’s been bugging you lately and you feel like opening up, do drop in a word about it here🙂