Man: Is love necessary?
Cupid: D-uh! Just because you morons are jobless, doesn’t mean I wanna go ‘read IIT love story while taking a s**t’. I’ve got a job to do. People like you need love, so that they can get a life.
Man: Whoa! Okay, Tell us how can we mint money out of our partners?
Cupid: See, why you numbnuts are still single??? This is why! If you have to do it anyway, then go puppydog eyes and keep whining about your problem. If your special one doesn’t weigh you in gold out of compassion then he/she would do it just so that you f-ing shut up.
Man: Have you ever been in love?
Cupid: (bursts into tears) Mary Appleseed is a b***h. So is Ho Kyu Minh, Ivana Terannova, Ahmed Ahmed and Vivek Oberoi ?
Man: You were in love with…uhm…Vivek Oberoi ?
Cupid: I am Greek. We are all bisexuals.
Man: Imran Khan would have been a better bet. Alright, moving to the next question: Do you support monogamy?
Cupid: I am Greek.
Man: What’s with your age ? How come you are so young ? And tiny?
Cupid: Botox keeps me timeless. And Zeus hammered me once when I tried piercing his heart with my love arrows. S** of a b**ch!
Man: Do you have any weird fetishes?
Cupid: Bondage and Midgets. Lots and lots of midgets.
Man: Ohkay! Tell us why can’t men fake orgasms?
Cupid: What are you talking about? Men fake it all the time.
I’ve faked it like a thousand times. Don’t you?
Man: Umm…we’re still virgins. Quickly moving onto the next question. Why do people break up?
Cupid: When some a-hole is too much of a hotshot for the other one, people move to greener pastures. Treat your special ‘un like a sidekick, baby you are getting the kick soon.
Man: Tell us this one thing? What is it with women and John Mayers?
Cupid: He is a wuss. He’s a grown up Justin Bieber. That guy had Jennifer Aniston and he still made crappy songs. Women like him because he evolves memories of their exes!
Man: Is there a sureshot way to get a a partner this V day?
Cupid: For you guys?
Cupid: read Crime and Punishment, 20000 leagues under the sea and anything Mills & Boon. Then watch Spartacus, classic italian Cinema and Lethal Weapon 4. Listen to anything from Cardigans to Darude, Prince and Marilyn Mansion. You are the dream team then.
Man: That’ll work? Seriously?
Cupid: nah! I am just f***ing with you (Rolling on Floor Laughin His A** Out)
Man: You’re an a-hole, you know that? Just tell us how to tackle this deathtrap, when your partner calls you and says “You’re not the same anymore.”
Cupid: Listen to me closely. More than half screw this up. When you hear something like that, say “Find your description. I’ll settle for your lookalike.” You just disconnect the call, search your contacts, and fix up a date with anyone else. That is when you develop a spine and move on instead of sulking and joining Single & Loving it groups on facebook.
Man: Right! We left that group last week. YEAH! Okay,this has been a really insightful conversation.
Man:How do you define love?
Cupid: Just watch out for the moral police this fourteenth. Whatever it may be, getting caught by them is definitely not love.